Unwritten: the story is just beginning
Updated: May 1, 2019
I knew when the booze snooze was over that I would have a celebratory drink. I didn't really need one, but I was curious what it would feel like. Would I enjoy the taste? Would I get a crazy buzz? Would I feel like a newly 21-year-old ordering their first cocktail?
Rick and I went out to a wonderful steak dinner at Flemmings to treat ourselves after meeting our year-long goal. We had the sweetest server named Allison, who asked if we were celebrating something special. We chuckled and said, "yes, but probably not what you are expecting!" We shared our story and she seemed intrigued. She asked a few questions and appeared as excited about our accomplishment as we were. It turns out it is was her first day serving at that location and she was honored to be the one that would get to serve me my first drink in over a year. She even gave me permission to post her picture on my blog! Rick captured the moment in a photo and also captured my first sip.
It was lovely. The drink was tasty, fresh, and I enjoyed every sip. For a split moment, I considered ordering a second drink but never did. I didn't consciously make that decision, I just never asked for one. I found it interesting that I didn't seem to get all fuzzy and buzzed from the drink as I expected. Toward the end of dinner I thought maybe when I got home I would bust open the bottle of Prosecco I received as a congratulations gift from a friend. Again, I found it interesting that the thought passed as quickly as it entered.
The rest of the weekend was mom and wife life as usual... sober. I didn't drink any more alcohol even though the bottle was in the fridge chilled and ready to go. I no longer had the snooze dictating my decision making. It felt like proof of what I learned from the journey and how much it changed me. I decided that moving forward I want to create a new habit tracker. This time, I will mark down when I do have a drink. I wonder what that will look like?
I thought when I hit day 365 that would be the end of the journey.
I realized that there is more to my story. There is still so much that is unwritten.
In 2004 Natasha Bedingfield released a song called, "Unwritten" that is perfect for describing how I feel right now. Be sure to read through the lyrics and watch the video at the end of the post. The song is full of imagery and metaphors, but it has a very simple message... your future is whatever you make it.
The booze snooze may have ended, but every day moving forward is a blank page in my book and it is up to me to fill it. During my booze snooze, my One Word was Destination. I knew exactly where I wanted to be and how I was going to get there. I wrote about my journey toward that destination for an entire year. What do I do now? Do I continue to blog? Do I use this blog to continue exploring my relationship with alcohol? Do I use this blog to educate and support people who want to try a similar goal? Do I drink or do I refrain from drinking?
This time I do not have a clear destination. I have no idea what will happen in the next hour, tomorrow or even a year from now. The future is a bit uncertain, but there are no rules. I will take risks, be fearless, and have an open mind. And wherever my journey takes me, I won't let anything or anyone distract me.
This is about self-discovery. In the song, Bedingfield talks about the sun illuminating the words you cannot find. I feel the same way about God. I believe that God is guiding me to what He wants me to see. He is encouraging me to keep my eyes wide open, so that life will reveal to me what is next.
I have a blank page, a new beginning, and a new story to tell.
The rest of my story is still unwritten.
By: Natasha Bedingfield
I am unwritten, can’t read my mind, I’m undefined I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines We’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can’t live that way